Body Language
Introduction
Have you heard of the word Body English? I remembered one basketball
game when the sportscaster said, "Air Jordan used a little Body English to coax
that ball into the hoop, as he released the free throw.” He meant that the player
moved his hips sideways, as if using mind control, so that the ball will go through
the basket.
Body English is just one of the myriad of examples of body language that
we do and apply to our lives every now and then, consciously or unconsciously.
What is Body Language?
Body language is the unspoken or non-verbal mode of communication that
we do in every single aspect of our interaction with another person. It is like a
mirror that tells us what the other person thinks and feels in response to our
words or actions. Body language involves gestures, mannerisms, and other
bodily signs.
Would you believe that in real life situations, 60% to 80% of the messages
that we convey to other people are transmitted through body language and the
actual verbal communication accounts for only 7% to 10%?
Our ability to use body language in a positive way and to read other
people's minds through their body language separates the men from the boys (or
women from girls), and can be a powerful tool to our overall personality
development. Imagine creating a great impression for work, business, and love
by being knowledgeable in this not-so-common yet powerful field of study. It is
the unspoken tool to a successful life.
So read on and find out how you can read and utilize body language - the
most used yet most misunderstood secret language in the world.
Reading the Signs
We use body language everyday in our lives to get our message across,
to achieve positive feedback in our lives, and to get whatever we want. We use
this language all the time, but we may not be aware of it. Moreover, this language
doesn't only involve the mouth but the whole body as well.
Could you even imagine the awesome power of applying it? With it, you'll
be able to interpret other people's inner emotions even if they're not directly
expressing it. You'll also be able to modify your behavior to fit the situation. You'll
get them to like and trust you. What words cannot do, body language can.
In this chapter, we shall explore the various body gestures or movements
conveyed by people in different scenarios. Let’s begin.
Suggesting Interest
It is important to know if people are interested in what you are saying;
otherwise, you are just wasting your time.
Just imagine you are a chemistry teacher. You have always been
interested in chemistry, so you assume that your students feel the same way as
you do. But are they really interested? Are your teaching methods good enough
to arouse their interest? Unless you can recognize the different body signals your
students are conveying, you would never know how they are adapting to the
subject matter. And unless you find out if staring continuously at you without
blinking the eyes is a sign of interest or an indication of being in dreamland, you
simply could not take the necessary steps to adjust to their learning needs.
Here are some of the movements exhibited by people who are interested
in what you are saying:
• They maintain eye contact more than 60% of the time. The more wideopened
the eyes are, the more interested the person is. In fact, a
person maintains eye contact more when listening than when talking.
• Their heads are inclined forward.
• They are nodding their heads. Such action means that they're agreeing
with you. That means they're attentive and listening.
• Their feet are pointing towards you.
• They smile frequently. But take note, not all smiles convey the same
feeling. An oblong smile is not genuine. It is used to show courtesy, but
not necessarily happiness or friendliness. The lips are withheld
completely back from the upper and lower teeth, forming the oblong
shape. This is usually the smile that many people exhibit when they
feign to enjoy a lame joke.
Indications That They're More Open to Agree with You
When you were a young child, have you ever tried to decode what your
parents’ facial expressions mean when you ask them to buy you a new toy or to
take you to Disneyland? A frown would likely be a “No!” But a nod would make
you jump with joy. As you grow older, it has become a necessity to be able to
detect if other people will agree with your decision or proposal. This is an ability
that will truly help negotiators, employees, and even lovers to succeed in their
ventures because they would be able to change their approach early enough to
adjust to a specific situation.
There are certain hints to indicate if people are more receptive in
accepting your ideas. Some of these are:
• Their hands are flat on the table.
• Their palms are open.
• If they're stroking their chin, they're thinking. They may agree with you
after careful evaluation.
• Their heads are inclined forward.
• They are nodding their heads.
• Their legs are spaced out from each other.
• They smile frequently.
• They unbutton their jackets. This indicates friendliness and willingness
to collaborate with you.
• Their hands are open. This also indicates genuineness.
• They place their hands in their chest. This signifies openness and
conveys sincerity, honesty, or dedication. However, a woman putting
her hands in her breast is a defensive position and may indicate that
she is surprised or astonished.
Mirroring
Who would you rather be with? Your best friend who loves pizza as much
as you do, who's crazy about basketball like you are, who watches the same
programs on TV as you; or your next-door neighbor who's a vegetarian, hates
sports, and watches those shows that will bore you to dreamland?
The answer is obvious. You would want to be around people who have the
same behaviors, attitudes, and values as yours.
Birds of the same feather flock together.
Bookworms like each other's company because they share a common
bond - their love for books. Basketball fanatics flock together because they can
RELATE to each other's interests and ideas.
If you really want someone to like and trust you, you've got to exhibit the
same qualities as that person. And there’s no better way to do this than by using
body language. Here’s how it goes:
Match their facial expressions, gestures, posture, speech, styles, actions,
breathing patterns, values and beliefs. Put yourself in their shoes. In other words,
BE THEM.
By doing this, you are also matching their way of thinking. You may easily
adapt to their inner thoughts and views.
You may also do some crossover matching. For example, you talk at the
same rate as their breathing. Or you can scratch your chin every time their eyes
blink. Get the idea?
Be genuinely interested and curious with everything you can find out about
them. Discover their attitude. Know their life story.
This is what we call mirroring.
But mirroring should not be confused with mimicry. You should act with
courtesy and caution. Never let the person you're mirroring be aware of what
you're doing. Just imagine acting out shamelessly what the other person is doing.
Every time he stands, you stand. When he scratches his head, you also scratch
your head. That would be insulting. Never let the person you’re mirroring have
any chance to think that you are mocking him.
Your main objective should be to influence the subconscious. Even if a
person is not aware that you're mirroring him, his subconscious mind realizes it.
The person will subconsciously be at ease when you duplicate his
manners indirectly. He will feel very comfortable if you're both on the same level.
Correspond with Their Moods
If a person you’re mirroring have lots of problems, don't come to him in a
joyous mood and say, "Don't worry about it. Let's watch a movie so that you'll
forget about whatever's bugging you."
He’s in a foul mood. He expects you to feel for him, to empathize with him.
Match his disposition first, then say something like, "I feel bad for you. If there's
anything I can do to help, just let me know." All he wants right now is to be with
someone who has the same mood as he has.
A word of warning though. If someone has some really big emotional
problems, and you mirror that person, you run the risk of actually absorbing his
emotions. So do this activity in a low-risk situation.
Developing Rapport
The ultimate goal of mirroring is to build rapport. It's the time when you
and the people you’re mirroring feel so close and in synch with each other that
you feel like you've known each other for years.
So how would you know if you've built rapport?
Mirror them. Match whatever characteristic, value, or behavior they
possess that you would like to copy.
After some time, touch your nose or cross your legs. If they do the same
thing, mission accomplished! You've already lowered their defenses to the point
where they are more receptive to your suggestions.
You can even build rapport even if a person you're mirroring is far away.
Here’s how to do it:
1. Just relax. Clear your mind of all negative thoughts and create a bond
by focusing on the entire body of the person you wish to mirror. Make
his image so real and vivid.
2. Use your subconscious to enter his world. Feel the connection. Give
out positive projections uniting his entire persona into yours.
3. Think of what he may be doing at the moment. Then replicate his
actions, behaviors, and principles.
With this exercise, you can even emulate your role models. Let's say you
want to be as successful as your boss who is always traveling around the world.
Do the above exercise and you'll soon see some astounding results.
الخميس أغسطس 18, 2011 5:29 am
